Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
