Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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