Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
