my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
