Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
