5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize