yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
