Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
