I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize