Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
