im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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