One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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