just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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