Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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