did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
