Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
