you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
