I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
