I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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