is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize