I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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