If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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