dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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