Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
