fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
