i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
