Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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