ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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