wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize