Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
