i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
