I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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