I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
