I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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