i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
