What a fucking waste of an outfit
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
