I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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