im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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