the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
