I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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