U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
whose parrot is this?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
