The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
