You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
