she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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