I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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