i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize