i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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