My hair reeks of homosexuality.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize