I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
