Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
