A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
