Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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