woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
