I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish i was in the wii world.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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