Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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