i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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