dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
