Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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