evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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