3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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