I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
