I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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