can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
