Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize