Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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