my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
