never play flip cup with pint glasses
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
