I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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