i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
