so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
