idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
everyone is single if you try hard enough
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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