I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
