Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
