Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
