Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
