the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
