Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
